Get ready Cause here they come!

Those idols, god bless em. It's down to the top 24 and so I will begin watching. But I want to clear something up. Some FAQS if you will and I do:

1. Why do you not review the auditions and Hollywood?
Several reasons, the first being that it makes me very very uncomfortable. I'm one of those people who get embaressed for others. So the auditions are like being caught in a naked at school dream for me. For two hours. The second reason is that Paula is kept in reletive control during these things. If she's not hopped up on booze, pills, powder or a combination than what is the point? As for Hollywood - I simply can't keep up with all the people. I don't want to invest my time in someone who isnt' going to make it.

2. Why do you love American Idol so much?
I had this professor in college who claimed to read Whitman naked. So I tried it, I wanted to feel this burning turn on for the art, the poetry but unfortunately, I just felt itchy and cold. I mean, I love Whitman but he doesn't inspire me to show ass. Idol, on the other hand... See that's my gauge and my only gauge. If your show/book/music makes me bare some boob than I'm in - damn the "quality" or the "value".

3. What's hoyay/boyay and why do you constantly talk about it?
Hoyay/boyay is subtle gay/lesbain erotica, often boiling right under the surface. So when I say Ryan and Simon are very hoyay, I mean that they are soooo close to discovering their love. Or at least the viewing audiences fantasy love. I constantly talk about it because I think hoyay is hohot. If you like massive doses of both ho and boyay check out Smallville. You will not be disapointed.

So, as we get ready to go into the season I hope you can sit back relax, get some wine and please, drop ya drawars....

it's...AMERRRICAN IDOL!