12 Hopefull Dopefulls

Finally, we are down to the Top 12. These are the tour people so they actually (sort of) matter. In other happy news, turns out CI is the Law and Order getting the Anna Nicole saga!! I do love some Goran....

Wow, they are really patting themselves on the back, recalling some past winners...leaving out others - Rueben who? Ahahahhaha, Seacrest's mike isn't even on. And I have to say, he suit is atrocious, I hate that diarrhea tie. Can I also take this moment to say how much I dislike Sheryl Crow? She said AI was commercial (which last time I checked they weren't pretending to be anything else) and blah blah blah. Then you can catch her Herbal Essances commercial two seconds later. Go beat some cancer bitch. Kelly Clarkston's Proactive spots kick your ass.

OK, back to the 12. It's Diana Ross night. Good luck Idols. Diana and her hair "mentors" the Idols on their songs. She seems pretty cool

Brandon - blah blah Ross ass kissing. Aw, he says all little "I'm nervous". He's singing You Can't Hurry Love. He's been lied to by Diana cause he sounds like shit. It's just too quiet and passive and breathy. He's lurching around the stage like Frankenstein on a bender. OH he forgot the words...boo. Perhaps he should have worried more about that and less about the disturbing hip shake. BOOTED



Ugh, Melinda - I just. don't. know. I mean, ok, this woman has an amazing voice...but she's just so...................................> Wow, that was actually a cute exchange between Ryan and Simon. I wish I had it on tape. Ew, I also hate this girl's modesty. Grow some fucking confidence or at least quit faking the whole "doe in the morning" act. She's singing Home. I don't even enjoy this song or this musical. She sounds lovely but that's beside the point. The crowd and judge's cream themselves, of course. Paula sheds many a tear, I love it.

Chris - he's my favorite. He points out that he has the same hair as Diana. He's doing Endless Love, let's face someone had to do it. I'm glad it's Chris. Diana hates his rendition so I'll probably like it. Here he goes. He masturbates the microphone. He's ditched the glasses and put on a sport coat/t-shirt combo for the whole 80s feel. And he is rocking this dull ass song!! He gets it. I love when these fools understand what they are singing. The judges hate it.

Gina - she's going to sing Love Child cause she used to sing it when she was four. Now, remember Gina is this year's "rocker", you can tell cause she's wearing jeans with her heels. She sounds, ok. Not great though. She needs to quit strutting around and just stop and wail. Ryan said Gina like Justin would say it!!!


Sanjaya - oh mya. I do enjoy this weird little pixie man. I think he's the pick on Vote for the Worst, isn't he? Someone check on that for me. Diana believes that Sanjaya is "love", notice she didn't say "any good". Ain't No Mountain High Enough is his choice. Wow, his hair! Stunning. He could totally take the Westminster crown, it's so fluffy. I like his voice, it's unique. You can tell he's not comfortable though. Let me give him some advice. Sanjaya baby doll - you gay. mmmkay. Let it shine!! And girl, wigs are your friend. You're pretty, call me.


Haley - who you may know as The Girl who Should have Gone Last Week. She's singing Missing You and Diana believes she has a recording voice not a live voice. Hmm, turns this song is about missing Marvin Gaye, who knew? I'm not a fan of this girl but she is doing really well with this song. It's the best so far. I also like the dress. Classy. The judges don't like it cause she forgot the words and was pitchy. Simon didn't think it was that bad.


Phil - he just wants to get the song right...and damn, what is with Diana and Marvin Gaye? Ooops, I missed what he's singing ahahhahahha he forgot to switch out the sexes and he's "going to do all the things you want a girl to do". HOYAY! Too bad he looks like that guy who confessed to Jon Benet's murder. I guess he sounds ok, nothing special.






Lakisha - I never remember this girl, she goes by Kiki. Kiki is the name of my new favorite detective the cool ass Kiki Strike. Man, I missed what she's singing, I need to pay better attention. Oh it's God Bless the Child, depressing. This girl has cool voice, she talks like my friend Ayanna. I think this girl will bust out in the next few weeks if she can make it. She's winning me over, in fact, she brought the place down! Bravo Keeks.

Blake - he listens to indie music but lists Michael Jackson as his all time favorite artist. What? You Keep me Hangin On. He's dancing? I mean, I guess he's cool. I guess. I'm not sure how he updated the song besides adding some techno sounding background shit. Of course all the tweens luv it 2 de max.

Stephanie - singing Love Hangover wearing a curtain. She sounds good and is all womanly about things but there's something missing. Maybe it's the song...sort of boring. Judge's were waiting for it to get going as well.





Chris - another forgettable face. He's endearing being all flustered and stuffs. He's doing The Boss. I'm unfamiliar with this song... and I will continue to be so because I can't understand a word he's saying. He's so nasal. All of these men need to turn off Justin Timberlake, who is neither sexy nor back and has no place with idol imitators. Gross. Oh and his voice sucks ass. Danny thinks he sounds like the Maroon 5 singer, who used to be in Kara's Flowers who incidentally was the band behind the first dance choice at our wedding. I disagree with Danny on this one.

Jordan - Diana isn't very impressed with this girl. But she likes her smile and eyes, which is what you need to sing. If We Hold on Together from Land Before Time is the song choice. Funny. She's on the steps...a step singer. And you know what? She sounds exactly like she's singing a Disney theme song. If that was her goal, well then, mission accomplished. I feel bad for her going last, it's a tough spot because everyone including me is over it.

Damn, maybe it's the fact that this season I can't spend these two hours refilling my scotch and water but AI is severely lacking in the talent I have come to depend on. Also, Paula? Really needs to step up the meds cause she was way too coherent tonight.