Jovi me all night long

So, I have a confession. I've kiiiiinnd of been avoid Idol. It's just boring and I don't think that's the sobriety talking. With the exit of Sanjaya I lost all interest. I didn't even turn it on last week because, seriously, inspirational songs? And Idol Gives Back? There's something about Dr. Phil and Ben Stiller "helping" poor children that makes me want to throw up. The trainwreck that is decadence meets guilt... Plus, watching children in crisis just makes me cry these days. I heard "Natalie Holloway" the other day and sure enough, a little tear.

I'm also waiting for the exposure of where the money actually went - maybe I'm cynical.

What could bring me back you ask? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Jon Bon. Awesome. I talked to my mom and told her Jon Bon was on (cause I had to take the mother call even though it meant only half paying attention to Idol, which in turn means I only half paid attention to her. I can't decide which is worse.) Anyway, she was excited as well.

We begin. Blah blah Seacrest. He's ditched the suit for a more relaxed look featuring his waxy chest. Next!

There's my man - is he wearing!?!? Ah, damn I thought his shirt said Phil Stacey but it says Philly Soul. Speaking of Phil, he's up first. Jon likes him mainly because Phil is gushing about how he's been practicing Blaze of Glory for years or something. On all other occasions (the J Lo drool, the Bennet kiss ass) I would call bullshit on this. However, this time, I think he's telling the truth. He rips it out - Shot dooooonwwwwnnn in a blaazzze of glooorrry. Yes. I love Young Guns. Also, Young Guns 2. And if there ever (god please) is a Young Guns 3 I will love it as well. Phil sounds good but the combination of his dome, brows and balls is still too overwhelming. He's like a giant Mr. Potato head in desperate need of some new parts.

Then there's Jordin who says, "My mom is gonna freak out!" ahahahaha. Poor Jon is none too pleased with this comment. Hey man, maybe her mom is hot! She sings Livin' on Prayer which is my favorite. She slaughters it though. It sucks. I'm bummed cause I like Jordin. How can you mess up Livin on a Prayer? Her Diana Ross hair leaves much to be desired as well.

Kiki banters with Ryan. He's cute, I'll admit it. She says she's never heard Bon Jovi. What the fuck people????? Jon quickly forgives her though when she totally does This Ain't a Love Song justice. Bad. ASS!!!! She stomps around the stage in a display of female strength and sensitivity, she makes the song her own without destroying it's original intent (Blake). It wins her a kiss from Simon. Barf.

Blake. Is. Dead. To. Me.

There is a fan sign that reads "Blake you make me Ache" - I'm going to take this the only way I can and give the tween major props for having a sexual awakening on national television.

Chris, once again compared to Justin Timberlake for no reason. He looks sick of it and I don't blame him. Hee, he says "someone had to do it" about his song choice, Wanted Dead or Alive. Well, you know...I mean, look someone had to do it. Too bad it's Chris. He doesn't sound too bad but he's giving the creepy eye. I don't like it. Quick hold up a mirror to deflect the gaze!

Melinda. Ok, this confirms it. Have a Nice Day and she rocks it. I'm on the Melinda bandwagon ok. Officially. When Paula asks her how she likes rocking, Melinda puts on an exhausted face with a grin and ironically makes the hard core sign. Love it. Love her. Love being won over in the final hours.

And just in case you weren't sure if this country isn't in the middle of some horrible bar joke - the Bush's show up to thank America!

Fucking George and Laura Bush. Unbelievable.